White Mice
by Baalsgirl
Summary: Rodney has eaten foreign stuff again and is now racking Carson's poor nerves. The final relief.
1. Chapter 1

**White Mice **_by Baalsgirl _

Rating: K/ PG

Disclaimer: I still don't own Stargate Atlantis (but I haven't given up hope, yet). But, ok, for now I own this particular story line.

Season: still 1 (I'll get to see 2 next spring or so, sigh)

Pairings: bit of a Carson/Rodney slash

Summary: Rodney has guzzled unknown stuff again, Carson has to bear the consequences...

AN: I've just eaten two bowls of straciatella pudding, don't feel much better than Rod ;-)

xxxxx

With a sigh Carson sat down at his desk, coolly balancing a cup of steaming black tea on a saucer. It was his first decent break after an extremely strenuous nine hour day. He swore death to the one who'd dare to disturb his peace now.

But of course he had not to wait three minutes until said thing happened. He slammed the saucer onto the table uttering an angry groan, "Bloody buggers, if that isn't deadly important..."

Grumbling he stuck his head around the corner to see John Sheppard waving at him, a slumped and wailing Rodney holding on to his shoulder.

"Hey Doc", Sheppard grinned as Carson walked over, "Was just on the way back to my quarters and guess what, I've found McKay here puking around the hall."

"Crap", Carson muttered to himself with his eyes rolling to the ceiling. Grabbing a new pair of spandex gloves he crouched down in front of him. "Rodney", he addressed his miserable patient, "can you hear me?"

All that came back was an unintelligible murmur that sounded like a mix of "Shut up" and "I'm fine."

Carson frowned at it. "Rodney?" he asked again.

"I'm not deaf, Carson", Rodney growled now.

"Obviously not", unnerved he directed Sheppard toward the exam table where they sat Rodney down.

"So", Carson sighed, "let's see what's wrong with our patient. Rodney", he looked him straight into the eyes, "what have you eaten this time?"

His eyes stared back at him blankly, then suddenly they widened, making Rodney look a little like an inflated hamster. Carson had a bad suspicion, "Don't say you need to throw up again!"

McKay nodded slowly, clearly showing that he could not hold the stuff back much longer. Carson reached for the next kidney bowl in his proximity and held it out to catch the vomit before it could muck up the neatly polished floor. After a confused look at the bowl's contents he put it away and turned to John.

"Any idea what might've found the way into his stomach this time?"

He shrugged, "Nope. Want me to start a little investigation on it?"

"Could be helpful, thank you."

After the major had trotted away he turned back to Rodney and pulled out a pen lamp to check on his glazed eyes. Grunting Rodney pulled away from its gleaming light. "Leave me be", he huffed quietly and turned his head away..

"You're a wee crybaby, know that?" Carson retorted.

"Very funny", his patient muttered quietly against the wall, "you too."

"All right", the Scotsman tried to sound as calm as he could, "now, I'd be very obliged to you if you told me what you've eaten today."

"Nothing of your concern", came the snappish response, "and now lemme sleep."

Without another word he curled himself up, facing the wall and after some seconds he was sound asleep.

Meanwhile Carson walked back into his office to finish his tea, cursing as he realized that it had already turned tepid.

xxxxx

After awhile Major Sheppard made another appearance, poking his head through the office door. "Oh, am I interrupting something?" he smirked stupidly.

Carson rose slowly, "Have you found out anything, Major?"

His grin broadened, "Um, I've got a little riddle for you. What is blue, looks a little like chocolate, smells a little like chocolate but is none?"

"A chocolate Smurf?", Beckett frowned not quite getting Sheppard's point, "So, what do you want to tell me?"

John reached into his pocket and held out a small blue lump to him. "It's some kind of plasticine. The Athosian kids gave me some of it.

"So you think this is what he's eaten?" Carson inquired, "But why?"

Sheppard giggled, "Well I've got a theory: McKay went into my office because he had something to bother me with. But unfortunately I was out for a little pee and so no one was there. Suppose Rodney was a bit famished and/or bored and started to stick his nose into the stuff I keep in my desk."

"And so he ate the plasticine mistaking it for some chocolate substitute you might've kept from him."

"Exactly", John paused meaningfully, "But there's more."

"What?" Carson blurted out.

He giggled mischievously, "I had forgotten a rotten Milky Way in one of my drawers, it's also gone."

"Gee, sometimes I really wonder whether Rodney is a four-year-old toddler sticking everything into his greedy mouth", Carson bashed his forehead.

"Well, me too", Shep consented.

That moment they heard a call from the other room, it was Rodney who had just woken up again.

xxxxx

"Carson?"

Both Beckett and Sheppard jogged over to see what was wrong now.

"What now, Rodney?" Carson exquired as he saw Rodney staring into a certain direction.

"I...I think I'm delirious", he stammered fearfully, "I see white mice, over there", he pointed shakily throwing himself into the Scotsman's arms and started to whimper.

While John nearly banged his head into the next wall with laughter, he pattered the physicist's back saying, "But, Rodney there are white mice. it's my lab mice, some time ago I decided to move them a bit."

"Really?" Rodney's voice was still shaking.

"Yes, really", Beckett let out a long groan, "and now get back to sleep."

He waited until Rodney had lain down again, "But please stay around, will ya?" he pleaded.

"I'll be there", Carson promised him before he turned to Sheppard again, "and you're sure you're not missing anything alcoholic?"

John frowned, "Well I haven't checked that yet..."

"Than you'd better check it. I have no idea how alcohol would in combination react with Athosian plasticine."

"Okay, Doc, gonna check that", almost merrily the major leapt away again.

Beckett gave a pained sigh, this was going to be a long night.

xxxxx

Okay, so far. Hopefully more will follow soon. And of course I'll try and update "Note to Myself" asap as well.


	2. Chapter 2

Well, straciatella pudding is a rather slimy mass consisting of milk and cream with many little chocolate crumbs in it.

Last time I just ate too much of it again and my stomach wasn't really happy about that...

xxxxx

Carson paced from his office to the main room and back, until he came to a stop, looking down on Rodney who had been babbling quietly in his sleep, just like a little baby, and had now turned over to snore, sawing the whole infirmary to pieces.

Grimacing the Scotsman ran back towards his office and waited for Sheppard to return. The major was obviously taking his time letting him sit this one out on his own, left alone with this bloody little Canadian noise pollution whose snoring seemed to increase with every passing second.

About ten minutes later, as Carson had already started to work on a vendetta for his annoying lateness, Sheppard finally showed up, merrily bouncing from one foot to another.

"Whoa, you'd better get yourself some earplugs before you turn _deaf_ ", he exclaimed looking at Rodney.

The sleeping physicist seemed to subconsciously take the hint, since the next moment he rolled over in the middle of a chainsaw-like snore, babbled something that sounded like _piss off_, then finally stuck his right thumb into his mouth and began to suck it.

"So cute", Shep whispered maliciously, "I wished I'd brought my digicam."

Carson groaned at his playfulness, he had enough trouble with one kid right now, "Major, what kept you for so long?" he inquired in a sort of unnerved tone, "I suppose found out something interesting?"

"Nope", he shrugged, "just had to move some loose tiles to find out that my bourbon reserve is still completely intact, for Rodney's ass's sake."

Beckett's eyes rolled skyward, "All right, that's something at least. Thank you, Major."

"Anything else you want me to do?" John questioned almost eagerly.

"No, thanks", the Scotsman replied, "we'll be fine."

Sheppard turned away, "Aw-key, I'll go take a little nap, then. If little Rod bitches around, don't hesitate to call. G'night."

"Good night", Carson was already hoping to get some peace himself now that Rodney was fast asleep and the major was on his way out...

But no, of course Sheppard let his own mischief get the better of him once again: He passed Rodney and stabbed his index finger right into his stomach.

Beckett flinched bracing for the deafening wail that would soon hit his helpless ears. And of course it came, only seconds later:

"**_Caaarson!_**"

John's head appeared around the corner once again, "Okay you two, have fun", he chuckled, quickly ducking away as a spandex glove came flying into his direction.

_Fun? _Carson huffed inwardly, this was going to be a bloody long night...

xxxxx

AN: Another shorty here, conclusion to follow soon. Thanks for your attention so far.

Regards, _Baalsgirl_


	3. Chapter 3

"Rodney?" Carson tried to look professional, "What's wrong now?"

"It hurts so horribly", Rodney whined, pulling a face like a recently fired drama queen.

The Scotsman folded his arms, "Could you be a little more specific?"

"Here", he pointed at the spot where Sheppard had nudged him, "and _there_", he whimpered pointing to where his intestine was situated and in the same moment ripped a big fat fart.

Beckett wrinkled his nose, wondering if he should run and get himself a hazmat, but finally managed to walk over and feel Rodney's intestine.

And as he had supposed it, there was something sort of hard in it, no wonder if someone was so stupid to eat a bloody lump of plasticine mistaking it for blue chocolate...

"Hey", grunting Rodney pushed away his hand, "it already hurts _enough_ without you pawing over it."

"Crybaby", Carson retorted once again.

_Voodoo_, Rodney muttered to himself while ripping another stink-bomb. Then, one moment later, he looked up at his now sulking Scottish colleague with doggy eyes.

"Am I gonna die now?" he inquired cautiously.

The physician let out a groan, "Would you stop asking me this stupid question every time you have a smidgen of a nothing plaguing your oh-so-sensitive metabolism?"

Rodney gave him a pleading look, "So what now? Yes or no?"

"Bloody hell no", disgruntled Carson clenched his teeth. He had to calm down or otherwise somebody would soon get hurt.

"And what are you going to _do_ to make it _stop_?"

"Wait until everything comes out the natural way."

Rodney let out a panicked wail, "You can't be serious. Have you got an idea how much it'll hurt until this fat lump of whatever has come out?"

"Lad, you're lamenting like a whole bunch of wee toddlers", Carson sighed, "and even they'd object less if they'd be so bloody silly to eat a big lump of blue plasticine..."

"_Plasticine?_" Rodney blurted out, "Who said I've eaten plasticine? It was blue..."

"...plasticine", the Scotsman finished for him, slowly getting to his wit's end.

Rodney was still not believing the whole story, "Carson, tell me one thing. Why in the whole wide world should a food-greedy person like Sheppard keep anything that is not edible on his desk?"

"Because he's got a big urge to play?"

"Big urge to play"; Rodney mocked him, "in that case he'd surely be happy to get the stuff back in case I'd crap it out again."

Carson bit his lip and turned away, "We'll see."

"Hey", McKay called after him, "where are you going?"

"Making me a lovely cup of tea", Beckett replied from the other side of the room.

Rodney pouted being close to tears, "And me? You can't seriously leave me alone with these scary white mice..."

"Aw, actually they are just the right company for you", came the response from Carson's office, "if they haven't already turned _deaf _from your constant wailing..."

Nervously Rodney turned to stare at the terrarium housing the white mice, ugly rodents. They stared at him with their tiny, unforgiving, black, glistering eyes, moving their far too short, hairy noses in the ultimately stupid way only they could.

If he had to stare it them for too long he'd either really become delirious or right away get nuts. Inwardly Rodney cursed these miserable creatures, secretly wishing to kill them all...

xxxxx

AN: All right, let's call this some exam practice for tomorrow (4 lesson English exam.) I'm so sorry for the delay. Hopefully I'll be able to post quicker next time.

Soon, _Baalsgirl_


	4. Chapter 4

Rodney couldn't take the repelling sniffling for another second. Disgusted he turned away and lay down again. Groaning he rubbed his aching tummy for awhile, then tiredness got the best of him again. After a long yawn and another acid fart he went to sleep. But that didn't make things better for him... Suddenly the mice were crawling all over his body, scratching him with their little, prickly toes. Scared to death he beat about himself. A moment later he shot up screaming and pooping like mad.

It didn't take long for Carson to come around, alerted and pissed by the sudden eruption. Wrinkling his nose he fanned away the intolerable stink wafting all about the room with his hand.

"What is it _this_ time, Rodney?" the doctor questioned with an annoyed sigh.

"These- these-", Rodney sat up pointing at the terrarium with a shaking finger, "disgusting little mice..."

The Scot rolled his eyes, "What about the poor creatures, lad?"

"Move them away", the physicist snapped almost hysterically, "I can't take them anymore."

"Fine", unnerved Carson went over to his helpless little lab animals, only to find one of them lying on its back with all fours spread out into the air. Sniffling he put the tiny white mouse into his hand. "Look what you've done Rodney. Wee Stinky has died. All because of you..."

"Me??" the Canadian squeaked, deadly insulted, "What do _I_ have to do with it? They don't live very long in your company anyway."

The physician held the mouse right into Rodney's face, secretly gloating about his disgusted reaction. It served him very well.

"Either you screamed him to death with your constant whining or...", he paused to glare at him angrily, "...you gassed him with the toxic plasticine fumes coming out of your butt."

"Ugh", the last color drowned from the physicist's face, "You make me puke." Pressing a hand over his mouth he fingered about for some vessel he could lose the rest of his stomach's content in. As Carson finally handed him a bowl his urge to vomit was gone. Instead his intestine gave off an unmistakable cry for help in form of just another cloud of gas.

"Owww", Rodney yelped, then pleaded, "Don't you have any laxatives?"

"Not for mouse murderers anyway", the Scotsman deadpanned, "But I could offer you a cork for the time being." Sulking he went away, still cradling Stinky in his hand.

"Ha-ha, very funny", Rodney mocked him from behind until he realized that the mice where still there. Way too close to him. "Damn rodents", grumbling he grabbed his sheet and threw it over their glass home so that at least they were out of his sight. Yawning he dropped back onto the pillow, stuck his thumb into his mouth and fell asleep for yet another time.

xxxxx

"Good Morning", it was well past seven as Major Sheppard entered the infirmary, merry as he'd left it the night before, "Maan, this place needs some fresh air." He looked over at Rodney who was snoring peacefully in the faraway corner of the room, inhaling the fumes he himself had produced. "And then he's lamenting about hazardous gases and whatnot", snickering quietly he went on to Beckett's office, placing the breakfast tray he'd brought with him on the desk. The good doc was still sleeping, too, his head resting on his folded arms. Some inches away from him there was standing a little paper box. In it lay the dead body of a lab mouse, gently wrapped into a Kleenex as though it were a miniature shroud.

That moment Carson stirred and finally woke up. He blinked at Sheppard, looking a little groggy. "Good Morning, Major."

"Morning, Doc. Brought you some breakfast", John smirked.

"That's very kind of you, lad", Beckett smiled a little. Knowing very well that this simply was an excuse for getting a peak at Rodney.

"Say has Rodney killed the poor mouse?" the major inquired innocently.

Carson nodded slowly, "Aye, he scared poor Stinky to death with his constant screaming."

"Ouch", Sheppard flinched, "Any idea how we could punish him for it?"

The doctor winked at him, "Already happened. Unless you've got something else we could do?"

"Let me think..." John pondered for a moment, "How about not giving him any food until the blue stuff comes out of him?"

At first this thought conflicted with Carson's ideas of medical ethics. But the more he mulled it over, the better he liked it. In the end the plans for revenge he had plotted against the major last night were forgotten. His feelings for little Stinky were much stronger.  
"I really like this idea, Major. Perhaps it coaxes Rodney into getting out that lump a wee bit faster", he rubbed his hands and grinned mischievously. He couldn't wait to see the Canadian's face when he told him...

_AN: So, here's the promised new chapter. I hope you liked it. Sorry for the insanely long break, though. School was getting a lot out of me lately. The next update won't take so much time, that's for granted. ) _


	5. Chapter 5

"Good Morning, Rodney", a pair of puffy, bloodshot eyes met John and Carson as they walked over to the Canadian's bedside, beaming mischievously.

"So, how you're doing, lad?" the doctor asked, still nibbling on the remnants of the croissant the major had brought along for him.

"Hungry", Rodney brought out in a croaky voice.

"Oh?" Sheppard snorted, winking at the Scotsman.

"What's so funny?" the physicist demanded, eyeing them both in a sulky way.

John uttered a slightly girlish giggle, "Nothing, only the fact that you're not going to get anything to eat today."

Rodney's eyes widened in panic, "Carson, please tell me that isn't true."

The Scot smiled with delight about the Canadian's reaction, "I'm sorry, Rodney, but the major is right. There won't be any food for you until the plasticine decides to come out of your bowels again."

"No", the physicist shrieked and started to whimper, "You're so mean to me. You and your damn mice... I'll tell Dr Weir."

Sheppard shrugged at him with a broad sneer on his face, "Well, Rodney. That happens when you eat other people's toys..."

"... and kill other people's helpless mice", the doctor added with a scowl.

For the millionth time in the last thirty-six hours, Rodney pouted, "For the record, I _hate_ you, both of you. Now leave me be."

"Fine", both Carson and John turned away snickering, doing a high five once they were out of their colleague's sight.

xxxxx

Carson was just typing up a report as Elizabeth paid him a visit some hours later. On entering she smiled at him a little. He showed her to have a seat and prepared himself for her to lecture him about not giving Rodney anything to eat. But she didn't seem to be disturbed by it at all. Everything she said was, "I'm a bit curious. What is it with you trying to starve Rodney to death?"

The Scotsmen had to grin, "He just told you that, right?" She nodded, an amused twinkle in her eye. "It's just that I don't want his irritated stomach to get bad again. Aside from that... ", sighing he lifted the lid of the box that had become Stinky's minute coffin. "Look at what he's done to wee Stinky. The poor lad went into cardiac arrest because of Rodney's stupid shouting yesterday night."

"Oh well", Elizabeth's smile broadened, "in that case, the fasting should teach him a nice little lesson." She thought for a moment, stroking the lifeless mouse with her finger. "Have you thought of a burial place for the little guy, yet?"

Carson creased his brow, "How about the flowerpot outside Rodney's quarters?"

"Now that's mean", the expedition leader pulled a face for a moment, "but what about a sea burial?"

"Why not", the Scot agreed, "but only in Rodney's presence. Perhaps then he realizes what he has done to me."

That moment their conversation was interrupted by a trampling noise followed by an excited Rodney sticking his head into the office, "I think the stuff is moving now."

"Good", Carson looked at him coolly with his eyes half closed, "you know where the bathroom is."

"Of course", Rodney replied priggishly. He marched away again, calling over his shoulder, "In case I'd pass out there, you know whom I'll blame for it."

Elizabeth groaned, "How can you stand this all day? It's worse than I thought."

The Scot smirked knowingly, "You've no idea, love."

_To be continued._


	6. Chapter 6

Groaning Rodney dropped to the toilet seat. Okay McKay, he thought, let's press it out. Grunting he tensed his abdominal muscles, breathing deeply. It took long moments until the stuff gathered in his bowels decided to show its face. With a deafening splash the turf finally landed in the bowl.

"Yikes", the physicist exclaimed, flinching away from it. With wide eyes he gawked into the water below, scared like the dickens. "OH MY GOD", squeaking he ran out of the cubicle and back to the infirmary without flushing.

Tapping a finger on his desk, fully expecting Rodney back any second Carson sat in his office. And, indeed, he didn't have to wait for long to hear a girlish scream coming from the hall. "Carson, Carson, you've gotta look at this."

"All right, lad", he grumbled, marching out of the room, "What is it, now?"

"The … turf", the Canadian stammered, "it's totally … _blue_."

"What's so odd about that?" the Scotsman demanded.

"Odd??" Rodney snapped almost hysterically.

"Fine, wasn't the stuff you ate _blue_ as well?" Carson rolled his eyes.

His colleague exhaled, "Yes, but… Just look at the crap…"

"As the word says", the doctor muttered, grabbing a glove and a plastic bag before leaving for the bathroom.

xxxxx

As they arrived a crowd of spectators had already gathered in the toilet cubicle. "Hey", Rodney shouted at them, "What's there to look at?"

Sheppard, who was in the crowd of guys as well, spoke up, "We just wondered what that plastic-like smell was. Oh, and I wanted to take a photo for my collection…"

"No, you damn well don't", the physicist yapped shooing everyone out of the tight space.

Now Carson took a step forward; carefully he fished the big, blue thing out of the toilet and flushed afterwards. Once he had put it into the bag and sealed it he scowled at Rodney who was still staring at it in disbelief. Groaning he pushed past him stating, "Today I don't want to see you around anymore, lad. Hear?"

Pulling a guilty face the Canadian said, "I want you to know I'm sorry for the mouse..."

"Oh no, you're not", the Scot replied and was gone.

xxxxx

"Look, Stinky. This is what you died for", slowly Carson lifted the blue turf in front of the dead mouse's eyes before he threw the bag away. For one last time he caressed Stinky's soft, white coat. After another look at him, he put a fresh Kleenex over the body and closed the lid. It was time to fly to the mainland and bury his poor, furry friend. He sighed. At least the little guy hadn't been forced to tolerate Rodney's stupid screams for very long. But after all there was still a craving for revenge in Carson and he'd surely have it, sooner or later, that was for sure…

FIN

Thank you all very much for reading. Best, _Baalsgirl_


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